I’ve been feeling a bit uninspired lately. I’m getting back into devotionals and prayers, but they’ve been difficult (mostly the praying part). I think that I need to start writing them again.
I’m also just too tired to think and write by the end of the day, when I have time to use however I want. But, with this week, I’m only getting busier and I wanted to write, since I got to work from home today and therefore, have some leftover energy.
This is something that’s been on my mind for the past few months, but again, I’ve been uninspired. Hopefully, this post doesn’t end up being insipid.
I’m rusty with this blogging thing. Minus the one about my Corolla, I haven’t written a more intentional post in awhile. I’ve gotten very accustomed to the emotional outpouring kind of posts.
Past month or so has been rough.
It’s ridiculous how long this has been sitting in my draft. I’ve written about this general truth that people are watching, that there are certain standards and expectations of Christian behavior and living.
This was just a recent, short reflection that I had the other week.
I was listening to a sermon on grumbling and complaining, based on Numbers 11. I knew I needed to hear this, because it’s been on my mind lately. And of course, I was not disappointed. The sermon spoke directly to my heart.
Lately, I’ve been reflecting a lot on my tongue.
A kind of while ago, someone told me they like to use “wrestling” instead of “struggling.” A lot of information has entered and passed through my brain since then, so I can’t do much to expand on that (sorry).
I’m pretty sure it came up, at least somewhat, in regards to my constant use of “struggling” when I write. After that conversation, my perspective started shifting a bit and I’ve been more mindful and intentional of when I use wrestle and when I use struggle (thanks for that).
Very recently, I was reminded of this and I spent some time of intentional re-reflection (thanks for that as well).
I have the sinful tendency to grip too tightly. When the depths of my heart knew that God was saying “no,” I still held on with white knuckles and nails digging into my palms. When I expected God to say “yes ” but He said “no,” I felt like my He had to rip my arms off along with my plans.
One of my best friends sent me this piece, “Singleness: My Only Companion.” The writer shares how she’s well into her 30’s and still single. Hasn’t hadn’t a single boyfriend. Her second to last paragraph, she writes:
I’ve come to hold all things loosely—including the good things I desire. As I get older, I realize that this unrequited desire may never be filled. But I arrive at this conclusion with a peace that surpasses all human understanding and an inner resolve wrought by the Holy Spirit. I know that God promises to be “a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly” (Psalm 84:11, ESV). What God has not granted to me at this time is not necessary, but what he does grant is.
“Hold all things loosely.”
That’s the opposite of what I am usually doing.
Three Sundays ago, the pastor spent some time talking about God’s timing. He said that there is no such thing as bad timing, only God’s timing. Sometimes, this requires a long, long wait for God’s green light. Whether the wait is short or extraordinarily long, God will get us where He wants us, when He wants us there.
God’s timing and God’s will have been prominent thoughts on my mind the past few months. Reminding myself that God gets people where He wants them in His time was what really helped me to find peace in a few areas of my life.
As I’ve shared endless times before, I was struggling hard with things not going the way I planned, with people in my life, with me feeling lost. After deciding against a career in education, I graduated and was left lost. The several months that followed were difficult because I had no idea of what I wanted to do with my future, what long-term plans to start working towards.